We subscribe to the local newspaper here on the Washington peninsula for two reasons: to read the police reports, and to line Buddy’s litter box with something sturdy and absorbent. We don’t have a lot of big headlines around here (”Kitten hides in tree, worries owners”), but I thought I would share with you some of the police reports. They’re not white trash postcards, per sé, but I think you’ll agree that they cannot fall under anything but the “white trash” heading:

“A woman arrived home at 9:38 am to find a man she had never met showering in her bathroom and making coffee in her coffee pot.”

“A Long Beach resident reported that a middle-aged woman was acting “drunk and strange,” shouting obscenities near a local bar. She then threw a Molotov cocktail at the sidewalk.”

“A local man reported an intruder in his garage Wednesday evening. He calmed the man down and invited him inside.”

“A woman was reportedly drunk and belligerent, lying on the sidewalk near the hardware store and refusing to move.”

I mean, you can’t MAKE UP stuff this awesome.

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